The Humerus Daily

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Fourth-year PhD student Nora Penefrin’s disappointment was immeasurable, and her day was ruined this past Friday night, when her colleagues failed to invite her to a happy hour that she had personally planned and organized. The get-not-together, held at a local hole-in-the-wall that Penefrin discovered through a partner, was the latest in a series of injuries and insults that she has endured working in the lab. 

“First, a mouse decided my finger was its personal chew toy,” Penefrin recounted, “Then came the bureaucratic nightmare, the paperwork, the shots, the whole shebang, just to get back to the bench. Later, I designed an experiment to study if knocking down a specific gene caused mice to turn into tiny berserkers.  I filed the grant, ran the study myself, and naturally, got bitten again. The final manuscript won an award, but I was too busy getting shots to go to the ceremony, so they sent a first year to accept it instead.” 

“Who?” said Whitney Lester, one of the second-year medical students working in the lab when asked for comment. “Oh, Nora! We love Nora! I wonder why she wasn’t able to make it.” 

Penefrin was last seen this past Monday, slaving away at the lab, writing a manuscript on social isolation amongst mice. No other members of the lab could be reached for comment, presumably because they were nursing massive hangovers.