The Humerus Daily

PHILADELPHIA, PA – In a selfless act of generosity (and perhaps desperation for a solid evaluation), third-year medical student Hope Givens recently donated a kidney to her internal medicine attending, Dr. Neff Rotick. The decision was made after she accidentally clicked on the wrong chart on the first day of the rotation and noticed his alarming creatinine trend. 

“I was just trying to pull up the patient list, and suddenly I’m looking at these labs. I figured, why not? I needed the Honor more than the second kidney anyhow.” student Dr. Givens explained. 

Despite the surgery, Hope feels her attempt to gain Dr. Rotick’s favor may have backfired. “The post-op recovery really cut into my study time. I mean, the hyponatremia algorithm doesn’t just memorize itself, you know? And as an aspiring orthopedic surgeon, I’m obviously going to use that all the time. 

 “After the transplant surgery, Dr. Rotick personally monitored my fluid intake and outtake, which I thought was a little weird. When I asked him for verbal feedback halfway through the rotation, he said my pee was too yellow,” Hope continued.  

After she completed her recovery, Hope returned to service and continued to go above and beyond to provide excellent patient care and correctly answer Dr. Rotick’s inane questions on the minutiae of glomerular blood flow. However, it seems her efforts failed to yield her desired result. Indeed, The Humerus Daily was able to receive a copy of the student’s evaluation from the clerkship director: 

“Student doctor Hoop [sic] was on the IM rotation for 8 weeks. Impressively, she performed at the level of an intern. Her renal vein was a little short. Overall: 3/5, needs to read more.” 

After her experience last month, Hope has also asked The Humerus Daily to encourage our readers to sign up for the kidney transplant list. “It’s just a simple blood test to see if you’re immunologically compatible. My twin sister was just diagnosed with end-stage renal disease this morning, and she really needs a transplant,” she says. Dr. Rotick, meanwhile, responded to a request for comment with an email sent from his iPhone that read: “y u need comment 4?”