The Humerus Daily

PHILADELPHIA, PA—This year, while students were looking forward to a relaxing Thanksgiving break surrounded by family, the head anatomy professor at a local university, Dr. Carver, had other plans. He chose to give thanks during the holidays by summoning students to a mandatory in-person lecture on the riveting anatomy of the lumbar plexus, with the promise of some Thanksgiving-related cooking tips at the end.  

While most of the students were less than thrilled to sit in an unnecessary lecture instead of traveling home for the holiday, Dr. Carver knew that dedicating the last 30 minutes of his lecture to his science-backed approach to best slice the holiday bird would quell any ill will. After a mind numbing 55-minute lecture, he whipped out a further 73-slide PowerPoint laden with complex histological images and biochemical pathways describing the optimal technique for turkey dissection to get the most flavor, texture, and moisture from the anatomical endeavor. While students were frantically writing down notes, many missed the subtle, perplexing disclaimer on the penultimate slide: “presented by Dr. Carver, lifelong vegan. Theories never tested. Results may vary.”